Say it ain't so

To say this past year has been a wild ride would be a vast understatement. From losing my job, to a disappointing SWU baseball season in '09, to finishing one game short again at Daniel, to losing my girlfriend of a year, things have definitely not gone as my plan would have them. Fortunately my plan isn't what's running my life though, and everything that's happened is a part of God's plan. I'm still trying to find out exactly what that plan is, but I no doubt know it's there.
That's one thing I really really struggle with.....fully and truly trusting God's plan. I'm a gold personality...I like my structure and I like to be in control. When I'm not in control, I feel out of control! I've had absolutely no control over the things that have happened over the past 12 months, and at times it has driven me crazy.
This time a year ago, I thought I had it all planned out. I had my dream job, I had the girl of my dreams, I had a plan for the future.....fast forward 12 months. I'm working at a golf course making $8/hour and the girl bolted on me.....hardly what I had planned or what I would have wished for! I think I've done a pretty good job of holding it together, although the breakup did bring out a side of me I haven't seen in a LONG time (being madly in love has a tendecy to do that to you), but I think me "holding it together" has held me back from letting God do some work in me. I've tried so hard to seem like I had everything under control, to not appeared phased or anything by all that has happened, that I think I've limited what I'm allowing God to do with me. My goal now is to "let go" a little bit....to let God do work with me, in me, and through me. This is going to be hard for me, because I'm a control person.....but I'm pretty sure God's a little more capable of running things than I am!